What do head and neck cancers have in common? Like the name suggests, it’s where they occur that groups them together. And the symptoms vary depending on the location of the cancer.

“When doctors say ‘head and neck cancer,’ they’re usually talking about cancers that start in the mouth, throat, voice box, sinuses or salivary glands,” said Leila J. Mady, MD, a board-certified otolaryngologist (ENT) and head and neck surgeon at Johns Hopkins Medicine. “It doesn’t usually include brain, eye or thyroid cancer.”

Head and neck cancers account for nearly 4% of all cancer cases in the United States. Certain people are at increased risk, including those with a history of tobacco and alcohol use. And human papillomavirus (HPV), a sexually transmitted virus that nearly everyone has, can also cause head and neck cancers. Even if you’re not at high risk, there are some warning signs you should look out for.

We reached out to Mady to find out the most common symptoms of head and neck cancers and when to see a healthcare provider (HCP).

9 symptoms of head and neck cancer

1. Lump or bump on the neck

Suspicious lumps are exactly that — suspicious. If you notice anything out of the ordinary, such as swelling or an unusual lump along the neck, jaw or mouth, it’s time to get evaluated by an HCP.

2. Persistent sore throat

A sore throat is a good example of a head and neck cancer symptom that’s sometimes brushed off as an everyday issue. But sometimes it’s a sign of something more serious, particularly if your sore throat doesn’t go away or improve after two or three weeks.

3. Mouth sores, ulcers or patches

Dentists are sometimes the first stop on one’s journey to figuring out symptoms of oral cavity cancer. Mouth sores themselves may not be anything too worrisome, but there could be cause for concern if they’re not healing on their own. Watch out for mouth ulcers and red or white patches that won’t heal.

4. Difficulty speaking, swallowing or breathing

Head and neck cancers are also grouped together because the symptoms can affect speaking, swallowing or breathing. This can even cause you pain. You might also feel like you have something stuck in your throat.

5. Vocal changes or hoarseness

Similar to a sore throat, head and neck cancers can cause a hoarse voice. Any changes to your speech could be worth exploring further. This could indicate that head and neck cancer is impacting your ability to speak.

6. Unexplained pain in the head or neck

There are all sorts of explanations for pain in the head and neck — including the teeth, ears, chin and so on. When you’re experiencing pain in your face, head or neck — especially if it’s just on one side — that you can’t get to the bottom of, a more comprehensive exam may be necessary.

7. Unexplained bleeding from the nose or mouth

Head and neck cancers can affect the nose, so symptoms can include nosebleeds and a stuffy or blocked nose that won’t go away. Any unexplained bleeding — whether from the nose or mouth — could warrant medical attention. This applies to coughing up blood too.

8. Chronic sinus infections

Chronic sinus infections, or sinusitis, could point to nasopharyngeal cancer and nasal and paranasal sinus cancers. This is particularly concerning when sinus infections resist antibiotic treatment.

9. Frequent headaches

Another symptom that can be passed off as an everyday issue, headaches are alarming when they occur frequently. There are many possible causes of headaches, so it’s important to see a doctor to get to the root cause.

When to see an HCP for head and neck cancer symptoms

If you’re on the fence about scheduling an appointment with an HCP, Mady doesn’t recommend waiting too long. Early detection saves lives — survival rates are higher for earlier stages.

“If symptoms last for more than two or three weeks, it’s important to see a doctor,” Mady said. “Starting with a primary care doctor or dentist is a good first step, but an ENT specialist is the best next step if there’s concern.” In order to make a diagnosis, your doctor might perform an exam, order imaging or perform a biopsy.

Mady’s parting words: Do what you can to reduce your risk, but if you have concerning, lingering symptoms, act early. “Head and neck cancers are often very treatable when caught early,” she said.

This educational resource was created with support from Merck.

As told to Shannon Shelton Miller

September is Gynecologic Cancer Awareness Month.

I was at work in February 2019 when my OB-GYN called me and asked if I could step away for a moment.

“I’d rather not do this over the phone, but it’s pretty serious,” she said. “You have endometrial cancer, stage 1, and I’m going to refer you to an oncologist.”

I was in shock. I was just 24, and while I’d experienced issues for most of my teenage and young adult years related to my reproductive cycle, I never imagined I’d be diagnosed with cancer.

Since high school, I’d always had irregular periods, sometimes lasting 10-12 days. In college, I started experiencing excessive weight gain, acne and facial hair. After seeing a campus doctor and my primary care physician, I still only received the standard advice to lose weight and change my diet. I tried to explain that my eating habits hadn’t changed, but I still kept gaining weight and didn’t know what to do.

Finally I saw a new OB-GYN near my home in Richmond, Virginia, who asked more questions about my symptoms. She told me these were common signs of polycystic ovarian syndrome, or PCOS. I was happy to have an answer but wondered why someone didn’t suggest that two to three years earlier.

I remember her telling me PCOS couldn’t be cured, so in my mind, there wasn’t a reason to do much research about it. I guessed I was supposed to just manage it, but I wasn’t given any action steps about ways to lose weight or address any symptoms, other than considering birth control. I’d been on birth control before and didn’t like how it made my body feel, so I decided against it.

A year later, my symptoms became more severe. I was bloated for months and the heavy bleeding started again. In late December 2018, I wanted to go back to the provider who diagnosed me with PCOS, but she was out of the office for the holidays. I saw another doctor, a white male, for about five minutes. I felt he glossed over everything I said and didn’t do the ultrasound or other tests I had requested.

“There’s no way you have cancer,” he said. “There’s nothing going on.”

But I knew something wasn’t right. The bloating never went away and I looked like I was pregnant. I called the office again in January and got an appointment with my OB-GYN, who ordered an ultrasound and other tests. When the images came back, she said she was concerned about what she saw and ordered a D&C.

When she called me five days after that appointment, I was at work as a pre-K teacher at an elementary school and went to the teachers’ lounge to talk. The doctor told me I had endometrial cancer, a form of uterine cancer, and she wanted to see if I could see an oncologist that day. I told her I could and called my family. My mom, dad and brother showed up to take me to my appointment.

This is where my real frustration began to kick in. Obviously, I was frustrated with the entire experience, but when the oncologist asked if I’d ever gotten on birth control for my PCOS, he told me that I should have because it could have prevented the cancer from developing. If I’d known this, I would have taken that step, and I also wish I’d known I had PCOS earlier so I could have had more time to take action.

2025 (Photo/Keith Nixon)

Instead, I was being thrown into conversations about the survival rate for endometrial cancer, preserving my fertility and preparing for being under medical surveillance for the rest of my life. It was difficult for me to suddenly think about not ever having children, or hearing that if I was treated and the cancer returned, I’d need a full hysterectomy. My mom also had cancer at the same time, having been diagnosed six months earlier, so we were all having very real conversations about mortality.

The oncologist said I didn’t have to undergo chemotherapy or radiation because I was so young and because my cancer wasn’t at an advanced stage. We did hormone therapy, which consisted of two pills in the morning and two at night. They were very hard on my body — I gained 25 pounds, and I was eating all the time and still hungry. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.

After my treatment, I would see my oncologist every three months for surveillance to make sure the cancer hadn’t returned. I had to visit often because I was so young with this specific kind of cancer, which is usually diagnosed in menopausal women.

I was determined not to let cancer destroy all of my dreams. The month after my diagnosis, I traveled to Cuba and later went to Joshua Tree National Park. My medical team helped me develop a plan for my life after cancer, from surveillance to preserving fertility for when I’m ready to have kids. In 2020, I froze my eggs in case I need to use them later. Being thoughtful about how I wanted to move forward gave me peace of mind.

Last year I founded the Uterine Care Collaborative, an initiative to educate Black women on uterine cancer, fibroids, endometriosis and PCOS. It’s an online community hub where women can go to learn about these conditions, how to manage them and how to have conversations with the women in your family about your family medical history. My hope is that the Uterine Care Collaborative will become a platform where women can learn and feel comfortable having these potentially lifesaving conversations.

As a public health communicator, my messaging is that self-advocacy is critical, especially for Black women, because we’re up against a system that does not always hear us, see us or include us in the research and the clinical trials. It’s important to say to women “Hey, if you’re experiencing these symptoms, if you have this experience at the doctor’s office, you don’t have to just accept that. Get checked out.” If the answer doesn’t sit well with you, get a second opinion.

I come from a faith background and have always been a very joyful person. I can’t afford to spend the rest of my life worrying about whether my cancer will come back or whether I’ll be bleeding again for eight months or whatever the case may be. Last month, it was really exciting when my oncologist graduated me from surveillance every three months to every six months, but I accept I’m only in control of what I can control.

I’m 31 now, and I know my story is not over. Ultimately, it’s all in God’s hands.

This educational resource was created with support from Merck.

Have your own Real Women, Real Stories you want to share? Let us know.

Our Real Women, Real Stories are the authentic experiences of real-life women. The views, opinions and experiences shared in these stories are not endorsed by HealthyWomen and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of HealthyWomen.

Joslyn Paguio was diagnosed with HPV, the virus that can cause cervical cancer, in the middle of her freshman year of college. She was given no further information by her school medical clinic, but she did her own research and found an OB-GYN, who discovered that Paguio’s HPV strain was high-risk for becoming cancer and recommended careful monitoring.

Years later, a few weeks before her wedding, Paguio was diagnosed with stage 1 cervical cancer. Paguio was grateful that she was able to wait until after her honeymoon to have the recommended surgery that removed part of her cervix.

“After surgery, sex was different. It was uncomfortable — on top of painful,” she said. “My husband was afraid to hurt me. He was on guard, and that limited our sex life.” Paguio remained vigilant about screenings, and in 2021, when her daughter was in elementary school, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer again. This time Paguio had a hysterectomy. Sex changed for Paguio again, but more radically this time.

“No one warns you about the pain,” Paguio said. “For a whole day after sex I was keeled over in the fetal position, bleeding heavily and popping ibuprofen. I went to the doctor and said, ‘This is not normal. You said I’d be able to have sex again.’”

Read: HPV Vaccination Is Cancer Prevention >>

Attention everyone with a vagina: If your downstairs is feeling parched and persnickety and definitely not in the mood to party — you’re not alone. Everyone who has a period goes through menopause, and fluctuating estrogen levels can make you feel like you’re in the classic horror film, Invasion of the Vagina Snatchers.

But before you decide you don’t even know who your vajayjay is anymore and donate your “nice” underwear to science, know that there are treatment options that can help with vaginal dryness and thinning, loss of elasticity and painful sex (also called genitourinary syndrome of menopause or GSM).

One option making headlines these days is vaginal estrogen therapy. A growing body of research has found that vaginal estrogen creams and tablets are safe for most people — even people with a history of breast cancer.

Read: More Research Shows Vaginal Estrogen Is Safe for People with a History of Breast Cancer >>

This is because local vaginal estrogen only affects the vaginal area — not the whole body like systemic menopausal hormone therapy, which is also safe for most people but may not be recommended for people at risk for certain health conditions like breast cancer.

Most recently, vaginal estrogen made headlines when a panel of experts urged the FDA to remove the black box warning on vaginal estrogen products. The experts noted that the warning cites outdated research that is not about vaginal preparations.

The jury is still out regarding the warning labels on vaginal estrogen, but research shows low-dose creams and tablets are safe for most people and can be life-changing for GSM.

So how does vaginal estrogen work? Should you be Team Cream, Tablet or Ring?

Here’s what you need to know about vaginal estrogen therapy.

Emily Jamea, Ph.D., is a sex therapist, author and podcast host. You can find her here each month to share her latest thoughts about sex.

I sat across from Jeremy and his wife, Sonia, in their first session with me. Sonia was fuming. Jeremy fidgeted, eyes fixed on the floor.

“I think he has a porn addiction,” Sonia declared. “This is getting out of hand.” Her anger suddenly broke, revealing sadness. “I just know he’s going to lose attraction to me. I can’t compete with the women he’s masturbating to.” Tears filled her eyes. “I’m approaching menopause, and he’s looking at twenty-somethings. It’s gross,” she added, her tone shifting once again to disgust.

Jeremy’s cheeks flushed. He glanced up, searching my face for judgment.

I took a slow breath, inviting them both to pause. Then I turned to Sonia. “I know how scary this feels for you. I hear your desire to protect the connection you and Jeremy share. Right now, it feels threatened, and that’s a lot to carry.”

Instead of interrogating Jeremy about the details of his porn use, I suggested we first explore their values around sex, connection and pornography.

Sonia and Jeremy had been together for nearly two decades. Sexual frequency had tapered, as it often does, to once or twice a month. They both described sex as satisfying when it happened. No long-standing resentments or betrayals before this porn use came to light. But since her discovery, Sonia had grown hypervigilant — checking Jeremy’s browser history and walking in on him unexpectedly. Porn had become the flashpoint for major conflict.

To Sonia, porn felt dangerously close to infidelity, but Jeremy disagreed.

“Tell me what motivates you to look at porn,” I asked gently.

“I swear I’m still attracted to my wife,” he said, defensively. “To me, she’s as beautiful as she was the day we met. She doesn’t believe me, but it’s true. Sometimes I’m just bored, or stressed, or it’s been a while since we made love. Sometimes it’s easier to take a couple of minutes on the computer than to risk rejection. We’ve been together for a long time. I know when it’s not a good time to approach her, and I’m fine with that. This has nothing to do with her.”

Sonia shook her head. “I don’t have an issue with him masturbating sometimes, but I don’t understand why he can’t just think about me.”

He looked pained. “I could.” In looking at him, I could sense he probably could give up watching porn — but not without some resentment that he was acquiescing to something he genuinely didn’t see as problematic.

I turned to Sonia. “We don’t realize how quickly we develop ideas about certain value-laden topics before fully educating ourselves on them. This is where I come in. I read the science so you don’t have to. I want to explain what the research says about porn and then explore if and how your feelings about it change once you know the facts. Would that be okay with you?” They both nodded.

I explained that the word “addiction” often gets thrown around when people talk about sex and porn. But the fact is, there is no official diagnosis of sex or porn addiction. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-5-TR, which is the most widely used manual to diagnose mental health disorders in the United States, doesn’t have a category for sex addiction. At one point, they strongly considered including “Hypersexual Disorder,” but there wasn’t enough evidence to back it up. Concerns included lack of consistent criteria for diagnosis, the risk of pathologizing normal variations in sexual desire and behavior, and that there could be cultural and moral bias influencing perceptions of “excessive” sex or porn use.

The ICD-11, which is the diagnostic manual used by The World Health Organization recognizes “Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder” as an impulse-control disorder, not a sex- or porn-specific addiction. In other words, the clinical concern isn’t porn itself, but rather when someone feels unable to regulate their sexual behaviors in ways that align with their values. An example would be a person who neglects work and family responsibilities to watch porn and can’t stop despite repeated attempts.

Unfortunately, public perception often paints porn as inherently bad, when science paints a much more nuanced picture. I highlighted eight key research points about pornography for Sonia and Jeremy.

1. Porn alone doesn’t “light up the brain” to the extent we think it does. Watching porn certainly activates arousal pathways, but brain scans show the real intensity happens when we touch ourselves. In other words, it’s genital touch, not porn that really fires us up.
2. Porn use can actually enhance arousal with a partner. In laboratory studies, people who viewed more porn showed increased — not decreased — arousal when engaging sexually with their partners.
3. The brain responds uniquely to skin-on-skin contact. Some brain regions only turn on when touched by another human being. Porn, a vibrator and even a gloved hand can’t replicate this response.
4. Porn can enhance women’s sexual satisfaction. Research shows women who watch porn report more consistent orgasms than women who don’t.
5. Context matters more than porn itself. Most negative outcomes associated with porn use stem from guilt, shame or secrecy — not the porn itself. When porn is integrated into a couple’s value system, the feelings about it are often neutral or even positive.
6. Guilt makes outcomes worse. People who feel guilty about porn use are the ones most likely to experience distress and relationship problems. In fact, abstinence-only approaches can backfire, worsening shame and even increasing risks of depression or suicidality when people “relapse.”
7. Research that describes sex as an addiction is often biased. The studies that do claim sex and porn are addictive are typically conducted by organizations that have a financial interest in treating sex/porn addiction.
8. Age and education matter. We do have some evidence to suggest that porn use can be problematic (still not addictive) when adolescents start early and view violent or harder core material especially in the absence of healthy sex education.

As I went through the data, Sonia’s expression slowly turned from one of skepticism to surprise. “What you’re telling me basically goes against everything I thought I knew about porn. I still don’t like it, but I had no idea that this is what the science says.”

“Most people don’t,” I affirmed. The anti-porn movement is strong, and at the end of the day, our culture is still largely rooted in puritanical values. “I’d like to see if we can shift the conversation away from fear and blame toward understanding and choice. At the end of the day, you are the only two people who can determine your values around porn use. But as you do so, I’d really like you to think about how sexual privacy (not secrecy) and autonomy fits into your partnered sexual experiences. Sonia, I am curious how it might help if we established some boundaries and expectations around Jeremy’s porn use.”

Jeremy looked relieved. “I really have nothing to hide,” he said. “I’m responsible about my use. I am extremely careful to watch only ethically and legally produced content. It’s literally a quick means to an end, just like your vibrator is to you sometimes. I can’t compete with BOB’s magic (Sonia’s nickname for her ‘battery operated boyfriend’).”

“Well, you got me there …” she chuckled.

I explained that pornography, like any form of entertainment, can be misunderstood when people forget it’s a fantasy. Just as we don’t expect action movie fans to reenact car chases or shootouts, we shouldn’t assume porn viewers want to replicate everything they see on screen or that watching porn is going to affect someone’s sexual value system. I also informed Sonia that there was actually a whole category of ethical porn produced for women by women.

“It’s going to take some time for me to really explore whether I can shift my mindset, but I suppose I’d be willing to see if I can as long as Jeremy and I still have a good connection,” Sonia admitted.

“I think that’s a great place to start. At the end of the day, porn is neither inherently good nor bad — it’s how couples navigate it that matters. With open dialogue, shared values and accurate information, you can turn a source of conflict into an opportunity for deeper trust and connection.”

Not all pornography is created equal. Some content may involve people who have been trafficked or who are underage. Be a responsible consumer — seek out ethical sources that prioritize consent, safety and transparency. There are even producers creating porn specifically by women, for women, with a focus on authentic pleasure and diversity.

If you or your partner is experiencing sexual difficulties you think might be related to porn, know that it’s unlikely the porn itself is the root cause. More often, the challenge lies in navigating the natural complexities of partnered sex compared to the ease of solitary self-pleasure. With patience, communication and sometimes professional guidance, most couples can overcome these challenges and reconnect with intimacy in meaningful ways.

Your wedding day should feel magical and stress-free, but between timelines, emotions, and a buzzing bridal party, the getting-ready hours can turn into controlled chaos. The good news? With the right prep (and mindset), you can stay calm, look radiant, and enjoy every moment.

Create a Beauty Timeline

Map out a schedule with your hair and makeup pros. Start with bridesmaids, do Moms mid-way, and save the bride for last (with a 30-minute buffer). Build in 10–15 minutes between each person for touch-ups and photos.

Do a Trial Run

Book hair and makeup trials at least 4–6 weeks out. Maybe schedule it to coincide with a bridal shower or another special event. Bring inspiration pics, your veil/hair accessories, and take photos in natural light to see how everything reads on camera. Be clear on how you want to look and be realistic with the images for inspiration. 2-3 hours after the makeup and hair trial, give any feedback to the artist, remember the hair and makeup needs to “peek” at the time you walk down the aisle, not the moment it’s finished.

It’s so important for the bride to work with the expertise of the hair and makeup artist to create a vision for her bridal party’s hair and makeup. If each bridesmaid chooses drastically different styles, it can become distracting in photos, which you will be looking at forever. A cohesive beauty plan ensures that no one person stands out more than the others, allowing the bride to remain the focal point while still letting everyone feel beautiful and confident.

Keep a Touch-Up Kit Handy

Even the most flawless look needs small refreshes.
Pack:

• Lipstick or gloss (your exact shade)
• Blotting papers & translucent powder

Quick Tip: No blotting papers? A toilet seat cover works wonders to soak up shine without smudging your makeup — not glamorous, but genius in a pinch! Press and lift off the oil, not the makeup.

• Mini setting spray
• Cotton swabs + tissues (for happy-tear cleanup)
• Bobby pins + mini hair spray
• Mini comb, safety pins, stain wipe

Beauty From the Inside Out!

Wedding morning! Don’t skip breakfast. Start the day with a glass of water, lemon, and a pinch of mineral salt. You will thank me that you are properly hydrated! Choose light, protein bites (eggs, yogurt, smoothie) and stay hydrated all day. Limit super-salty foods and bubbly drinks to avoid puffiness. Don’t start drinking champagne while you are doing your glam.

Designate a Beauty Point Person

Select one trusted bridesmaid or planner to wrangle the schedule, answer “Where’s the lash glue?” questions, and keep everyone organized and calm—so you can relax and enjoy being “The Bride”

Prep Skin the Smart Way

The night before: gentle cleanse, hydrating serum, moisturizer; avoid new products, you don’t need some strange skin reaction when you wake up. A cup of chamomile or mint to help you doze off.

Morning of: light skincare only—no heavy oils that can fight foundation. SPF if you’ll be outdoors. Wedding morning is not the time to do something crazy to irritate your skin. Your makeup artist will be happy that your skin is prepped, but she will probably add more eye cream and moisturizer to make sure your skin is dewy.

Build Calm Into the Room

Create a simple, calm ritual: a 3-minute breath work track, your favorite playlist, or a quiet “devices down” 10-minute window pre-dress. Light a candle or have aromatherapy to help relax. The little things that go “wrong” rarely matter on film—joy and happiness photograph best. Take a bit of alone time if you are feeling as though a lot is going on in the room. Your life is about to change in front of everyone you know, and it can feel overwhelming.

Plan for Weather + Wear

Heat/humidity or wind? Ask your stylist for weather-proofing (setting products, anti-frizz, veil-friendly pin plan). For long events, schedule a 15-minute hair/makeup refresh between the ceremony and reception if possible.

Bonus: Bridal Beauty Timeline

• 3–6 months out: Skincare routine dial-in; hair trims/gloss as needed.
• 6–4 weeks out: Hair + makeup trials; confirm accessories.
• 1 week out: Brow touch-up, gentle exfoliation; avoid new products.
• 1–2 days out: Wash/condition per your stylist’s instructions; hydrate, rest. Touch up lash extensions, if needed.
• Wedding morning: Get a quick workout in or even a 15-minute walk to release the tension and breathe! Light skincare, arrive with a clean, dry face; robe or button-down top for easy change.

Bonus: Emergency Mini-Kit

Blotting papers * Lip color * Lash glue * Tissues * Bobby pins * Mini hair spray * Safety pins * Fashion tape * Compact mirror * Pain reliever *Breath mints * Concealer * Mascara * Eye Shadow * Eye-Liner

Your wedding look is more than hair and makeup—it’s how you feel. You want to look and feel like the best version of you. With a clear plan, the right team, and a little self-care, you’ll glide through the beauty chaos and truly enjoy your big day. Remember, the wedding is one day, the bride and groom are forever. I wish you love, laughter, joy, and happiness on your wedding day and your new life.

Disclaimer
The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

As told to Nicole Audrey Spector

September is Brain Aneurysm Awareness Month.

It was Aug. 11, 2022. I was working remotely that day. During a Zoom call with my boss and colleagues, while discussing a new project I would lead, I heard and felt a big pop go off in my head. Suddenly the voices of those in the meeting sounded strange, as if in stereo.

I didn’t know what was happening to me but knew I needed to get off the call. Being relatively new to my job and not knowing my boss or colleagues well, I had no idea how to explain myself. I typed in the chat that someone was at my door and hopped off.

Minutes later, I was on the hardwood floors of my home office vomiting. I yelled for my husband, Gary. He’s a first responder police officer who’d just gone to bed a couple hours earlier, after working a night shift. He must have been deep asleep. My 17-year-old child came running in.

“Mama, mama, are you okay?!” they cried.

“Go get your dad,” I said.

Gary soon rushed to my side in full first responder police officer mode, asking me a list of questions to assess my condition. We thought this might be a severe migraine attack and that possibly some over-the-counter medication for migraine relief would help. Gary left to go to the nearby pharmacy to pick some up while my child waited with me.

When Gary returned, I was in the bathroom vomiting in the tub. By then, it had been about an hour straight of vomiting. I was so tired I couldn’t get up. Gary called an ambulance and within minutes I was being shuttled off to the nearest hospital.

Through his work, Gary knew the ER hospital staff pretty well, and I was able to be examined and put in a room quickly. I was found to be in stable condition. The vomiting had stopped, but I was exhausted and my headache was unbearable. The fluorescent lights were like daggers in my eyes. I slipped in and out of consciousness awaiting a CT scan.

Gary let others in our family know that I was in the ER. My younger brother hurried over and was sitting with me once the CT scan was done and the results were in. A doctor went over the results with us. Though I was dazed, I remember her saying “Aretha has a brain bleed.”

Gary and I looked at each other in horror. The words “brain bleed” sounded like a death sentence to us. I thought of how Gary and I had just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary and how our child had just graduated from high school. Milestone events filled with joy … only to be followed with my tragic death at the age of 47.

I was transferred to a trauma hospital where there are neurosurgeons on call. I immediately liked the neurosurgeon who worked with me and my family. He was experienced and sensitive. He made things easy to understand and explained that I had two brain aneurysms. One had burst (that was the popping sound I’d heard) and formed a blood clot. That blood clot had stopped the brain bleed and, ultimately, saved my life. The other aneurysm had not yet burst and needed to be clipped.

The neurosurgeon estimated that to clip the two aneurysms would require 10 hours of surgery. I don’t really remember how I felt when I heard all this. I was still so out of it and so tired. It was nighttime by then.

I went into surgery the next morning. Tons of family and friends showed up. The waiting room, I was later told, was standing room only, so additional chairs needed to be found to accommodate my community. My surgery didn’t take the predicted 10 hours. Complications arose and it took close to 16.

Once I was finally out and recovering in the ICU, my brain started to swell, and I had to be taken back into surgery so more of my skull could be removed. Poor Gary — by then he’d been up for days.

The weeks that followed were a near out-of-body experience. I was there but I wasn’t there. I remember wearing a very annoying mitt on my right hand so that I wouldn’t touch my brain, which was still exposed. My left arm was immobile — a result of the burst aneurysm. Complications kept arising. From August to November, I was back and forth between the trauma hospital and the rehab hospital. In all, I had 11 surgeries and, by October, I’d lost 30 pounds and needed a feeding tube.

As I healed, I worked with a physical therapist, occupational therapist and speech therapist. Having to relearn how to do simple physical things like get out of bed was difficult to accept — but what really devastated me was realizing how dramatically my mind had been affected.

I remember being presented with a connect the dots worksheet. I was so insulted. I’m a PhD-educated executive in higher ed who works with statistics and analytics — and you want me to complete a preschooler’s game? Then I went to connect the dots, and it was unbelievably difficult. I could see what I needed to do, but my body just couldn’t, well, connect the dots. I was baffled and humiliated.

I didn’t recognize my voice either. It was slow and muffled. I sounded like a Muppet. I began to feel hopeless and defeated. At my lowest point, I asked God to end my life. That night, I had a spiking fever and was rushed to the ER. Was God answering my prayer for the end? I panicked and prayed to live, apologizing to God for my earlier ask. I soon after stabilized.

It’s been close to three years since my brain aneurysm ruptured. I’m not the person I was before. My memory, once impeccably sharp, is now spotty and I have to take notes constantly. I’m surrounded by Post-Its, which guide me through my day. I’ve returned to work but am no longer comfortable managing people, so I have a different role.

You may be thinking that my life is worse than it was before my medical ordeals. In fact, it’s better. I’m far more spiritual and connected to God than I used to be. I never did much more for myself in terms of self-care, but now I take time to rest and rejuvenate. Additionally, I work with a mental health therapist — something I never opened my mind to before. I also work with a brain injury coach and am thinking constructively about my future. I try new things. I meet new people. And I’m more fulfilled and more supported than ever before.

Throughout my healing journey, I’ve heard the word “recovery” used over and over. It’s not a bad word, but it implies getting back to a place that simply doesn’t exist anymore. Through practicing LoveYourBrain yoga, which specifically caters to people with brain injury, I’ve come to much prefer the word “resilience.”

I encourage others who are living with an impactful disease or medical event to focus on resilience, too, and to open their minds to new experiences and new people. Celebrating the small wins is also so important. When I left the hospital in 2022, I needed assistance with walking, showering and dressing. I could not drive. I relied on others to help me with things I used to take for granted that I was previously able to do with hardly any effort. After a lot of time, practice and faith, I’m more independent and can do a great deal on my own — including drive. Incredible progress!

I think so many of us feel this urge to become superwomen. We don’t realize that we already are superwomen — we’re just too caught up in society’s high expectations of us to appreciate it. I’m looking forward to seeing God’s plan for me in this new season of life.

Resources

Brain Aneurysm Foundation

Brain Injury Association of America

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Our Real Women, Real Stories are the authentic experiences of real-life women. The views, opinions and experiences shared in these stories are not endorsed by HealthyWomen and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of HealthyWomen.

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